Letting it all out

I started this blog because I needed a way to let out a lot of the things circulating my mind these days. I need an outlet to just let it all out of my system because if I don't I'm scared I might just explode one random day. It has happened before and I'm not about to do it again. I don't know if this is some kind of required phase every teenager has to go through but it's no secret I hate it. I hate these thoughts, these feelings and emotions I'm having because it makes me feel pathetic. It makes me feel like every other typical teenage girl whining and complaining about everything. I don't want to be like that but sadly, I am. I feel like I'm bottling up so much hate and pain for so many people, it's starting to literally give me physical pain. I'm not really sure about anything but  my hypochondriac side has officially diagnosed me clinically depressed. My only source is the internet and we all know how that's the most credible way to diagnose serious illnesses. Anyway, lately I've been on a "slump", in lack of me thinking of any other term to call what I'm feeling right now. I like to believe I haven't always been like this. I'm also not sure when I started being like this. All I know is me "being like this" has to stop. Because if I don't get my act together again, I might just lose every little thing I have left that matters to me (however dramatic that sounds but its true). I feel like I'm harboring so much hate and resentment towards people, especially people I love and I'm becoming the reason we're drifting apart. Often times I would think "I don't care about them. They can just disappear from my life and I wouldn't give a fuck" which I know is a little over the top and unnecessary especially since I'm talking about loved ones here. Its hard to explain my predicament in just one post because it would just seem shallow and whiny to some people but I think what I'm going through right now isn't something that should be taken lightly. Even if my thoughts often come out as whiny, they root somewhere deeper and darker that is hard to explain right now. There's also another reason why I think I should start writing down my thoughts and that's the fact that my thoughts have been drifting towards somewhere very dark and dangerous that I've started to feel scared for myself.